Welcome to my world…
[reader digression is advised]
Mission One: Buy Outlet Converter
Due to jet leg, I got a full 3 hours of sleep and woke up 7:45 am. After eating an awesome breakfast, I needed to start my mission to purchase an outlet converter. Unfortunately no one at the front desk knew were I could buy one. Wan, the gentleman at the front desk, said that I should try to “Johor Premium Outlet” and arranged for a car to drive me there. I should have known by that name alone, that this mall would not have what I needed. My hotel driver picks me up at 10:00am and asked me what time I wanted to come back.
Me- “ 1:00?!”
Him- “OK! Much better.”
Apparently, he had other runs to take care of and the mall was 20mins away. During our ride, he proceeds to tell me that there isn’t much to do Malaysia, thats why being in a relationship and having kids is so important (keeps you busy). He also tells me that people travel here to relax and thats it. In the back of my mind I am thinking that I should have done some thorough research before coming to a country different from my own. But I am now relieved to know that I do not have to try so hard to entertain myself during my Malaysia stay.
I get out the cab and this outdoor mall looks like any other American Premier Outlet mall, containing a whole bunch of stores that I can’t even afford to pay attention in. Feeling sad because I know they won’t have what I need here and I have to stay for another 3 hours, I decided to walk around anyway. The first store I passed was Coach and kept walking, then I passed by the second store window and there was a big sign that said 50% OFF! There is no harm in looking right? I walked in the store and I hear a symphony of greetings in different languages. A little discombobulated I slightly bow and said “Hi everyone” and I proceed to look at the bags. Shortly afterwards a sales rep comes over standing behind me and my American mentality has me thinking “Great, he probably thinks I am going to steal or worse, think that I can’t afford anything in here (second part is kinda true). He politely asks:
“Do you need any help?
Me- “No thank you, I’m just looking”
“Are you here for vacation?”
Me- “Yes… As a matter of fact. What are some things I should do while I’m here?
He nervously replies” Uh uhh. I don’t know, Im going to ask someone.”
He leaves and I continue to fondle the expensive bags. A vivacious sells rep, with sleek silver glasses comes over to me without a greeting and says:
“In Johor, you can go to blah blah shop, blah blah shop, and then there is another other shopping mall that is brand new. Then of course theres Lego Land and Hello Kitty Land and…”
I interrupted him said “Have you been to lego land? If so, how do you like it?”
He said “Well, it’s nice but those are family places, great place to take your kids.”
“So are you here shopping for your husband?
“Are you here in Malaysia alone?
“Oh WOW! Why? You are so young and happy. What happened to your boyfriend?
“Well, we are in different places right now… Literally and figuratively haha”
“So were are you from?
“I live were Obama lives”
“OH WOW! Do you have pictures?”
“LOL , no we just live in the same area, I do not know him personally”
“I like you, you seem very fun and outgoing. If you are not doing anything tomorrow, I can show you around and you can meet some of my friends.”
After more pleasantries we decide to meet up the next day and he will pick me up promptly at 3.
[disclaimer- to my young readers please use GOOD judgement when meeting new people]
After we confirmed our date, I told him, Diokles, that I started a new job and I am looking for a new sleek black bag to carry to work. After much deliberation I decided to purchase a medium sized black bag with a very understated logo. After a 57% discount I ended up paying around $359.32 USD. I’d say I scored big by getting a date and a affordable work bag at the same time.
Eventually my cab driver picked me up, and I asked him to take my to AEON mall because some teenager told me that they would have an electronics store. I walked in the mall and immediately all eyes are on me. It doesn’t bother me, I know I am a rare species around this parts. I went to the electronics store and I bought 2 converters. After completing my mission, I realized that I had nothing planned for the rest of the day. SO I did what I do best and continued to shop.
I arrived back to the resort around 3pm and decided to take advantage of the spa services they offered at the resort. I had such a long day of stressful shopping, why not? I booked my appointment at 5pm for Le Royale service which included a body scrub (never done that before), aromatherapy soak, a body massage, and henna designs on my hands (never done that before either). The first mistake I made was showering with Dr.Bonner’s Peppermint oil soap. I brought that soap with me from the states because it literally dissolves (i.e. burns) off all dirt, oil and bacteria on your body without the use of wash cloth. Basically what I am saying is this soap leaves your skin raw and vulnerable lol.
My 5pm appointment rolls around and I am greeted with hot tea and smile. Before we walk into the spa room, my massage therapist asks if I wanted something to drink (i.e. Alcohol). My second mistake was declining that drink, I should have ordered the stiffest drink man could legally make. I entered into a cold ass spa room (mind you my skin is covered peppermint oil, so any slight breeze will enhance the tingling sensation on my skin). She says, in her sweet Malaysian accent. “Put this robe and panties on.” I grab the materials and head to the bathroom. I immediately noticed their full length bath tub is filled with water and the bubbles were sky high, and had lemon grass pieces, lemons and cucumbers were sprinkled on top. The kid in me I was looking forward to this bath very much.
After removing my clothes and putting on the clinical spa panties, I noticed that the robe is not a robe but a long sheet. Not knowing what to do next I just wrapped my sheet around myself and walked into the room. I laid down on the massage table head down trying to use the sheet to cover my shame. All of a sudden, the lady expose exposes one of my legs. She takes a glop of a creamy substance and smears it on my legs. This cream is cold as Antarctica and placed on top of my peppermint oiled body in a cold ass room, literally I almost developed hypothermia at that moment. But that is not even the worst part. The granules in this scrub were so big, it felt like she was scrubbing shards of glass into my already sensitive skin. I was in hell (a cold hell).
It took every ounce of my being to conceal my whimpers so she could not hear me. I have never experienced a body scrub before, let alone have anyone scrub several layers of skin off my butt. Moving along, after she scrubs the entire backside of my body, she mumbles something. Relieved, I assumed she is done so I attempt to get out of bed and she said, “No, flip over.” I said “Flip over?” She proceeds to guide me back to the bed and now I am laying on my back with what feels like shards of glass and sand in between crack of my ass and sand paper irritating my back. It’s hard to keep straight face when she has an aerial view of my body. She sticks her hand in the cold goop and spears on my stomach, I half way black out from the shock alone. I bite my tongue to distract my self from the pain, but it didn’t worked. At this point my eyes are glued shut, all of sudden I feel the cold shards of glass cream being swiped over my breasts and chest. I almost threw up from the pain; I really wanted to tell her stop. Even as I writing this now my nipples are still raw, NEVER AGAIN. Before I knew it, we were done and told me to take a 15 minute bath. She pulled the sheet off me and my body is worn out, I had NO strength to sit up. She laughed at me, and grabbed my arm and helped my shivering body up. Now, I am butt naked with clinical panties on, covered in mud trying to walk in a straight line to the bathtub. Anywho, everything else was excellent, my massage was amazing and so was the henna. I was took weak to sit up for the henna so I passed out on the massage table while she did the designs on my hands. God bless her.
Good news for me, I’ll be squeaky clean for my date tomorrow.
Do you have any funny massage stories? I want to hear them, tell me in the comment section